Well today was another bad one for celebrity deaths, the ridiculously talented Debbie Reynolds died only a day after her daughter, Carrie Fisher. Many turn to social media to share memories, feelings and sorrow. Then there's the other social media users, the ones who seem to be telling us that we are not entitled to our grief.
Celebrity worship is nothing new, but it does seem easier now with the popularity of the internet and social media. It's easier to keep track on a celeb, to hear from them, to contact them and also share your grief when they die. Most people will join in on this, we share the pain together, as well as sharing our memories and tears. It is one of the nice things we do on social media. So why do some people feel the need to "rain on our parade"?
As soon as there is a big outpouring of grief we suddenly get those people who want to tell us to stop. They tell us that people die every day and we don't point out every one of them. Children die in Africa, Syria or die in poverty every year. Yes, they do, and it is awful, so feel free to post about it. But don't tell me what to post. The vitriol they spew comes across as bitter sanctimony. We'll grieve for who we like, jerks! Who put you in charge of how much and when people can grieve?
We seem to think that we should be in control of other people's emotions, and their Facebook feeds! For a service we get for free, apparently we only want a feed that is filled with things we want to see. It's not a book you bought, it is meant to be a snapshot of your "friends" thoughts and lives. We all have too many Facebook friends, I have over a 1000 - some of them I haven't even met. The answer is simple, if you don't like what they write, delete them or if politically you can't, hide their feed - I've done it to lots of people who annoy me. It is not your place to tell people how to act (a bit like I'm doing here, but these jerks started it!!!!).
I worship at the altar of the celebrity, for example, I write this pop blog. It's not a team, it's one guy, a 41 year old gay man from Sydney, Australia, who loves pop culture. I dedicate a lot of my time to music, TV, film and theatre. I work in theatre, I love the arts. But it is as a music fan where I have true happiness. For those know me, know I love Madonna. As a playwright I am currently writing my third Madonna themed play, and this week I got my second Madonna tattoo, this one the opening lyrics to "Like a Prayer". When she dies, I will be inconsolable and if anyone dares to tell me to "think of the children", I think I may just kill them!
A few celeb deaths hit me big this year. My two favourite male artists died this year, Prince and George Michael. I was greatly affected by both, that doesn't mean I don't care when other people die. It doesn't mean I don't feel bad when I hear of multiple deaths in foreign countries, because I grieve for one doesn't mean I can't grieve for the other. For me the news story that hit me the hardest this year was the shooting at Pulse nightclub, that so many of my LGBTQI brothers and sisters went through something so heinous. I remember at the time being lectured that there were wars on in the world and I shouldn't grieve so much for dead Americans - I haven't spoken to that person since. But I digress. Prince and George Michael meant the world to me. Prince was the first person who I lined up for tickets for. My father dropped me at Mt Druitt Ticketek at 5am in the morning and I lined up with other fans in 1992 for tickets to his Sydney show. It was an amazing show, one of the best I have seen. George Michael's lyrics spoke to me, I wrote the other day of the impact "Fast Love" had on me, and how it helped me when I was coming out. Music has that power. And both their back catalogues have been go to music for me over the years.
I wasn't a massive David Bowie fan, but the gravity of his death hit me and I acknowledged what my friends who loved him were feeling. The same for the deaths of the last two days, Carrie Fisher and Debbie Reynolds, I liked them both and enjoyed their work, but I am sad for the tragedy that happened and that their work left such a big impression of people. It's called empathy, we should all try it!
There are celebrity deaths that hit us harder than others. I remember when Michael Hutchence died I was really upset. He was so young and it was so unexpected. As I was getting older I was beginning to understand and appreciate INXS more. I was discovering their back catalogue and loving their later music, songs like "Elegantly Wasted" and "Taste It" were on high rotation and I was affected when he died. But the one that hit me the hardest, Whitney Houston. She was the first singer I really worshipped, I loved her and her music. It left a permanent mark on my soul, so when she died I was devastated. I sobbed, my then boyfriend, who'd I'd only been dating me for four months, didn't quite know what to do. I remember I was making caramel at the time when I heard and I burst into tears, I guess it became salted caramel. I can acknowledge how ridiculous I must have looked, but a big part of my life and my youth was dead. I will not apologise for that grief or for sharing how I felt on Facebook.
So it's time to turn down the moral superiority. If someone wants to grieve over a celebrity, let them. If they grieve over a celebrity, what business is it of yours? Everyone is different and some of us handle things differently. I wear my emotional side as a badge of pride, I couldn't be a playwright without it. Yes, people are dying in Syria and it is horrible, really horrible. And yes, people lost actual family and friends this week and they are hurting, badly. But why should these griefs be considered the same thing? It hits every person differently, how you feel is completely different to someone else, and no one person does it right.
I feel sorry for those people who don't have a hero or an idol, what boring lives they must lead. Musicians become part of our lives, their music speaks to us. Movie stars and their characters become our friends, become people whose journeys we love to follow. Why shouldn't people love these people that touch our souls? Me, I'll continue my hero worship. Will continue to fangirl in my blog and I reserve the right to mourn over anyone that dies the way I bloody want to. In fact, if I die, I will take it as a personal slap in the face if people aren't devastated on social media. Time to lighten up and lose the sanctimony, and if you don't like what I'm saying, delete me off social media - I'm sure I won't even notice.
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